More Funnies

@rondetto Said

I went into a caravan showroom the other day and said to the salesman:
"I'd like to buy a motorhome."
He said "Camper?"
I said "Oooo, get you, I'd like to buy a motorhome, sweety."

___

"What am I going to do?" cried my tearful elderly relative.
"My winter allowance won't cover my gas bill?"
"But it is rather large, have you had the heating on full blast or something?" I exclaimed.
"Hardly at all, I've just cooked a few puddings and stuff for some people," she sniffled.
"But the bill's nearly 43 grand!" I scoffed.
"Just how many puddings have you been making Aunt Bessie?"

___

Just off to fix Cat Stevens caravan.
Awning has broken.

___

Paddy meets a girl at a disco. Paddy says: "Is it alright If I walk you home later on?"
The girl replies: "Yes, but no funny business, I'm on my menstrual cycle."
Paddy says: "That's alright, I'll follow you on my moped."

___

A farmer is out checking his fields when he comes across a man dancing naked in front of some farm machinery. 'Hey, what on earth are you doing?' he exclaims. 'Sorry, it's just that my other half and I haven't been getting on well in the bedroom,' the man explains.'So my therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor.'

___

I was out with my metal detector today.
I had dug over 20 holes before l remembered l was wearing steel toe cap boots.

___

I think it's awful and disgusting the way people treat Lance Armstrong after all he did, winning seven Tour De France while competing on drugs.
When I was on drugs I couldn't even find my bike let alone get on it.

___